Here are few updates on things in my world at the moment:
90 Day Challenge: I am still reading through my little bible study diligently each night. The low carb diet has been put on a hiatus at the moment. *Note: when this lady gets stressed she wants pasta or ice cream, not meat & cheese. Thanks. I will try to be good in the near future, but my excuse is that I have too much on my metaphoric plate to obsess about what is on my literal plate for lunch and din din.
27 weeks Pregnant: Baby Girl is 27 weeks and counting. My latest and greatest pregnancy symptom is heart burn. Which makes me feel like a dragon with fire coming up my throat ever so often. It even wakes me up at night. It is just lovely.
There are 5 weeks until I meet again with the high risk pregnancy specialist to see if our little “cord issue” has resolved itself. Please be continuing to pray for that nasty (but VERY important to have) cord and for baby girl!
Car- Well its official my good old jeep was deemed total loss. Sad times. We had many a good times in that old car. The best part about my heap a jeep is that is was paid for. So I have to find something I can buy off the lot on the cheap so I don’t have a monthly car payment… With motherhood and baby expenses right around the corner, I don’t need an extra monthly expense. So that being said, be praying on me finding the perfect and safe vehicle for me a little lady bug. Finding a car is stressful when you don’t have any money to spare…. But I am confident that despite feeling frantic and stressed, God will provide. He always does.
Nursery- This weekend I am finally starting on the nursery! And by "I" I mean, my dear friends Megan and her sister Colleen and Taylor. They are going to paint for me on Saturday! I am thrilled to get started. I cannot wait to set up her crib and start decorating. I promise to update with pictures of the progress.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
GoundHog Day
While I was in the hospital last week, my mom light-heartedly said, “I swear it is like GroundHog Day with you.” I smiled and thought to myself Lordy, what in the world I have put her through in the past 3 years. I am sure it times I may come across as a walking land mine. One disaster after another. We HAVE to laugh about it. If not, it will drive us crazy.
“If we didn’t laugh at ourselves we would cry our eyes out.” – Indigo Girls
The truth is there has been a LOT of brokenness in the past few years of this life of mine. I have had 2 broken engagements. TWO. That is two separate times I have opened my heart to love and had things not work out as planned. Two separate times that I have had to hold my head up high and pick up the pieces the best I knew how. There were a lot of tears, a lot of wine, and a whole lot of hurt & anger in these break ups. I even lost a few friends along the way.
I understand now that there are certain people who cannot handle grief. Who don’t know how to empathize with other peoples pain. I don’t hold anything against these people… but it was a lesson learned. A BIG one. Losing some of those friendships hurt just as much as the broken engagements and left scars that will take just as much time to heal.
All that being said, I do believe that God has covered me with GRACE each day through the broken places. Actually I KNOW it is true. Grace is something God gives us when we don’t deserve it. He doesn’t just offer His grace on birthdays, holidays or special occasions. That is what makes him God. He loves us ALL THE TIME.
I sure as hell didn’t deserve all the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances He has given me. Especially when I had my fists angrily balled up in his direction behaving like a stubborn rebellious child.
In the face of loss, God also PROVIDES. He provided me with new friendships. He strengthened relationships that were already there. He taught me how to love and appreciate those people more. I believe he put into place the support system that helped me keep my head above water when I was just about ready to drown. Drown in my self pity, drown in my anger, drown in my sadness, drown in my recklessness, in my selfishness. Just writing this makes me want to scream THANK YOU GOD for getting me through the low places and providing the people to hold me up when I simply cannot stand.
I also believe that in seasons of loss God TEACHES. He has been teaching me to stand on my own two feet. Something pretty darn important as I prepare to be a single mom. To realize that no matter how much you love your friends, your family members, your boyfriend, your fiancé… they are human. And all people, including me, are more than likely going to let you down at some point in the journey. I am learning that in standing on my own two feet, there is a NECCESITY to lean harder into Him. Daily. In the same way we need water to drink and air to breathe. We just simply cannot live this life and understand all of the bumps in the road on our own. We need Promises. Life without Hope is truly like GroundHog Day. There is no adventure, no lessons learned, and no believing in better days ahead.
“If we didn’t laugh at ourselves we would cry our eyes out.” – Indigo Girls
The truth is there has been a LOT of brokenness in the past few years of this life of mine. I have had 2 broken engagements. TWO. That is two separate times I have opened my heart to love and had things not work out as planned. Two separate times that I have had to hold my head up high and pick up the pieces the best I knew how. There were a lot of tears, a lot of wine, and a whole lot of hurt & anger in these break ups. I even lost a few friends along the way.
I understand now that there are certain people who cannot handle grief. Who don’t know how to empathize with other peoples pain. I don’t hold anything against these people… but it was a lesson learned. A BIG one. Losing some of those friendships hurt just as much as the broken engagements and left scars that will take just as much time to heal.
All that being said, I do believe that God has covered me with GRACE each day through the broken places. Actually I KNOW it is true. Grace is something God gives us when we don’t deserve it. He doesn’t just offer His grace on birthdays, holidays or special occasions. That is what makes him God. He loves us ALL THE TIME.
I sure as hell didn’t deserve all the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances He has given me. Especially when I had my fists angrily balled up in his direction behaving like a stubborn rebellious child.
In the face of loss, God also PROVIDES. He provided me with new friendships. He strengthened relationships that were already there. He taught me how to love and appreciate those people more. I believe he put into place the support system that helped me keep my head above water when I was just about ready to drown. Drown in my self pity, drown in my anger, drown in my sadness, drown in my recklessness, in my selfishness. Just writing this makes me want to scream THANK YOU GOD for getting me through the low places and providing the people to hold me up when I simply cannot stand.
I also believe that in seasons of loss God TEACHES. He has been teaching me to stand on my own two feet. Something pretty darn important as I prepare to be a single mom. To realize that no matter how much you love your friends, your family members, your boyfriend, your fiancé… they are human. And all people, including me, are more than likely going to let you down at some point in the journey. I am learning that in standing on my own two feet, there is a NECCESITY to lean harder into Him. Daily. In the same way we need water to drink and air to breathe. We just simply cannot live this life and understand all of the bumps in the road on our own. We need Promises. Life without Hope is truly like GroundHog Day. There is no adventure, no lessons learned, and no believing in better days ahead.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Baby Girl is a TOUGH cookie... like her MaMa.
Sunday night I was driving home for a lovely dinner with Jenn, Kelly & Daisy. I called my friend Taylor to check in and see how the rest of her weekend played out and to see if she had caught any new Law & Order SVU episodes. Yes, we LOVEEE that show. The last thing I remember was laughing with her about our favorite character Ice-T and his “little braid,” then BAM! I was hit by a car. Hard. A car had run a red light at an intersection and T-Boned me at 40-45 mph. I was forced into the other lane slamming into another car head on.
I sat there in shock until the paramedics arrived. All I could think about was the baby. The other driver came up to me to see if I was alright and I told him I was pregnant and needed to be checked out. I couldn’t even open my car door at first from the impact. Poor Taylor was still on the phone calling out my name. She was my little angel that night. She rushed to the scene to be with me, knowing I was scared out of my mind. I cannot imagine how frightening it was for her to hear the accident happen and not know what was going on.
Right before Taylor got to the scene the paramedics arrived. As they asked me a bunch of questions, I was still sitting in my car in complete shock. Then I realized I went to high school with the paramedic crew chief. A huge blessing. Having familiar faces around definitely kept me calm. My mom couldn’t be reached since she was in a movie. Taylor was amazing and followed the ambulance to Presbyterian where they examined me and made sure me and baby tot were ok. They decided to keep me over night to monitor the baby and checked me into the Women’s Center. Taylor sat by my side like a true blue while they got me settled in. She held my hand through the uncertainty and the tears. Finally, we got in touch with my mom. Then my dad. I am sure it scared the heck out of them too.
For the first time in my life I felt like I could appreciate how scared they must have felt. For the first time, I caught of glimpse of what it feels like to want only to protect your child. I could relate as soon as that car hit me, my first thought was my daughter and her well being. I would do anything in this world to keep her safe and when that is compromised it can be downright terrifying.
After a long uncomfortable 24 hours I was discharged. Everything looked just fine for me and baby girl. My mom stayed by my side the whole time and slept in what looked like the world’s most uncomfortable recliner. She held my hand when they continued to stick me with needles and take countless amounts of blood. I seriously felt like a pin cushion.
The one other scary thing we did find out (that was not related to the accident) was after meeting with one of the specialist. I had an ultra sound and found out that the umbilical cord is now covering my cervix. That isn’t ideal to say the least. The blessing of this is that I saw this specialist and wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been in the accident. He said there was a 50/50 chance of this correcting itself. If not, I will be having a c-section as 37 weeks. That is almost 10 weeks people. And baby girl will be here.
I will know at 34 weeks for sure what the game plan is. Until then… please lift up a prayer of THANKS for safety and health, baby girl, family, & friends. My heart sure is GRATEFUL for all the above.
I sat there in shock until the paramedics arrived. All I could think about was the baby. The other driver came up to me to see if I was alright and I told him I was pregnant and needed to be checked out. I couldn’t even open my car door at first from the impact. Poor Taylor was still on the phone calling out my name. She was my little angel that night. She rushed to the scene to be with me, knowing I was scared out of my mind. I cannot imagine how frightening it was for her to hear the accident happen and not know what was going on.
Right before Taylor got to the scene the paramedics arrived. As they asked me a bunch of questions, I was still sitting in my car in complete shock. Then I realized I went to high school with the paramedic crew chief. A huge blessing. Having familiar faces around definitely kept me calm. My mom couldn’t be reached since she was in a movie. Taylor was amazing and followed the ambulance to Presbyterian where they examined me and made sure me and baby tot were ok. They decided to keep me over night to monitor the baby and checked me into the Women’s Center. Taylor sat by my side like a true blue while they got me settled in. She held my hand through the uncertainty and the tears. Finally, we got in touch with my mom. Then my dad. I am sure it scared the heck out of them too.
For the first time in my life I felt like I could appreciate how scared they must have felt. For the first time, I caught of glimpse of what it feels like to want only to protect your child. I could relate as soon as that car hit me, my first thought was my daughter and her well being. I would do anything in this world to keep her safe and when that is compromised it can be downright terrifying.
After a long uncomfortable 24 hours I was discharged. Everything looked just fine for me and baby girl. My mom stayed by my side the whole time and slept in what looked like the world’s most uncomfortable recliner. She held my hand when they continued to stick me with needles and take countless amounts of blood. I seriously felt like a pin cushion.
The one other scary thing we did find out (that was not related to the accident) was after meeting with one of the specialist. I had an ultra sound and found out that the umbilical cord is now covering my cervix. That isn’t ideal to say the least. The blessing of this is that I saw this specialist and wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been in the accident. He said there was a 50/50 chance of this correcting itself. If not, I will be having a c-section as 37 weeks. That is almost 10 weeks people. And baby girl will be here.
I will know at 34 weeks for sure what the game plan is. Until then… please lift up a prayer of THANKS for safety and health, baby girl, family, & friends. My heart sure is GRATEFUL for all the above.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Questions Answered.
So a HUGE Thank You to my ONE and only reader Angela! This Blog is for you pretty lady ;)
How did you choose your baby name?
Well I went back and forth for 6 months. First I was going to go with a family name. Then I was going to go with a name from a baby name book that I thought was so pretty… but at a recent doctor appointment, my O.B. told me she has delivered about a thousand baby girls with that name in the past month. I was heartbroken, but decided to veto. I never enjoyed being one of three or four Lauren’s in my class.
So then I just started flipping through the name book and came upon it. It almost came off the page at me as if “it was meant to be.” Also, through the name picking process I had really cared about the feedback I got from friends and family when sharing my name ideas… after finally picking her name… I realized I didn’t care at all what folks would say, because I believe with all my heart it is just the most perfect name for my little lady bug. I am still keeping it under wraps at the moment, but will surely make a baby name announcement in the upcoming weeks. Get excited!!!
Do I crave foods I have never craved before?
I would say the weirdest craving I have had was the Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs. Typically that kind of stuff just kind of grosses me out… but I will confess there was a spell there where I had a can every few days. And I would eat it straight up out of the can like a frat boy. It was nuts. Thank the Lord that is over!
And never apologize for pregnancy questions. I LOVE to talk about it and you can trust an honest answer from this lady. Haha. Even if it is a bit weird or gross… and it may leave you saying to your self, “To MUCH Information Lauren.” Just call it free birth control for friends and family. Ha. Jk.
*And in my car CD player right now I have an oldie but goodie. Waterdeep, Entering the Worship Circle. Or maybe Sara Barielles. One or the other. They are 2 of my favorite stand-bys.
How did you choose your baby name?
Well I went back and forth for 6 months. First I was going to go with a family name. Then I was going to go with a name from a baby name book that I thought was so pretty… but at a recent doctor appointment, my O.B. told me she has delivered about a thousand baby girls with that name in the past month. I was heartbroken, but decided to veto. I never enjoyed being one of three or four Lauren’s in my class.
So then I just started flipping through the name book and came upon it. It almost came off the page at me as if “it was meant to be.” Also, through the name picking process I had really cared about the feedback I got from friends and family when sharing my name ideas… after finally picking her name… I realized I didn’t care at all what folks would say, because I believe with all my heart it is just the most perfect name for my little lady bug. I am still keeping it under wraps at the moment, but will surely make a baby name announcement in the upcoming weeks. Get excited!!!
Do I crave foods I have never craved before?
I would say the weirdest craving I have had was the Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs. Typically that kind of stuff just kind of grosses me out… but I will confess there was a spell there where I had a can every few days. And I would eat it straight up out of the can like a frat boy. It was nuts. Thank the Lord that is over!
And never apologize for pregnancy questions. I LOVE to talk about it and you can trust an honest answer from this lady. Haha. Even if it is a bit weird or gross… and it may leave you saying to your self, “To MUCH Information Lauren.” Just call it free birth control for friends and family. Ha. Jk.
*And in my car CD player right now I have an oldie but goodie. Waterdeep, Entering the Worship Circle. Or maybe Sara Barielles. One or the other. They are 2 of my favorite stand-bys.
In Need of Some Inspiration...
What to Write...
I am in the mood to write today but am not quite sure what to write about.
SOOOO… I thought we could get a little READER INVOLVEMENT on this!!!!
In the comment section, post something you want to me write about or a question or a few questions you have for me and I will go to them on days like these where I want desperately to write… but just cannot seem to settle on one subject.
Sound good? Great!
And GO!!!!
I am in the mood to write today but am not quite sure what to write about.
SOOOO… I thought we could get a little READER INVOLVEMENT on this!!!!
In the comment section, post something you want to me write about or a question or a few questions you have for me and I will go to them on days like these where I want desperately to write… but just cannot seem to settle on one subject.
Sound good? Great!
And GO!!!!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Snowed In & Stir Crazy...
Yesterday I woke up to a beautiful Winter Wonderland. Here is the view from my kitchen window.
Just lovely :)
All the snow has closed down Charlotte. Today there is ice. I am working from home and may attempt to venture out later this afternoon. My parking lot is still covered with ice...but my boss went in, so I feel obligated to at least try to get out of here. So we shall see.
*update: I did NOT make it out of the parking lot due to ice. I started spinning on the ice as soon as I pulled out. I was panicked because I was blocking all the other cars in the lot. One of my neighbors came and pushed me back into my parking spot. This lady is staying put!
So here is a 90 Day Challenge Update:
Healthy Eating- I have made it almost 2 weeks on low carb. Minus my one binge last week, on some cookies that were calling my name. I ended up eating almost a whole sleeve and then had to toss them to avoid an encore performance.
Staying Active - I pounded the pavement 5 days last week. This week the snow is cramping my style just a bit. Tonight I plan on doing a work out video here at the condo. Say a prayer for me. haha. Me and baby girl will be getting our groove on.
This week marks 25 weeks pregnant for this lady. Baby girl is the size of an eggplant. She is SO active. I just lovee feeling her dance in my tummy. She is seriously my tiny dancer.
Also, I have decided on baby girls name. And I am very happy about that. :)
To celebrate our snowy days I leave you with a picture of Izzie Frizz staying warm & cozy in her beddie bop. Hope all of you stuck in the snow are doing the same:)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
My Prayer at This Moment...
Some nights I don't feel much like singing....
Tonight is a lonely night for this lady. In spite of that, I am so grateful for the sweet little kicks I have every now and then that remind me of the life I have inside of me. The abundance of love I have for her is unreal and overwhelming at the same time.
I confess I can give into my selfishness and find myself feeling frustrated and sorry for myself from time to time. Tonight I couldn't help it when the tears started to flow down my cheeks. I tried really hard to swallow them back and move on. I am a professional at sucking it up and moving on. But tonight I am allowing myself to feel what is coming natural.
I am frustrated with R. I am angry that he is an addict. I am hurt that he chose his addictions over us. I don't feel like he has any clue to what I am walking through. He is in celebrity rehab and I am in the real world. I don't even know if he really gets it that we are having a baby in April...
I think the catalyst for this frustration is the last letter I received from him. When he left for Georgia back in November... I was under the impression he would come back for our daughters birth. Now he is saying he is not coming back. He said, it may put his recovery in jeopardy.
I can see where his reasoning comes from with my head, but my heart doesn't see how he can miss something so important. To all of us.
So this is where I am in this moment, and this is what you will find me praying... That the Lord will protect me from my selfishness and self pity way of thinking. That he will grant me a heart of understanding and cover me with patience. That as each day passes I trust in Him more and lean on my own understanding less.
I am meditating on one of my favorite scriptures,
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
2011. New Year New Goals... 90 Day Challenge!
There is something super motivating about embarking on a new year. It is almost like we are given a CLEAN slate. A fresh place where all the gunk that had accumulated in the past year is washed clean and a new year can begin on a sparkling blank canvas. I just love that.
I can already predict 2011 will bring with it a lot of CHANGE. For one thing, I am going to become a mama. (deep breath) I am going to be responsible for an itty-bitty person. A daughter. Having her coming into the world motivates me even more to strive to reach my goals and become a better me, so ultimately I can be better for her.
Instead of just typing up a list and throwing it out there for the internet world to read I have actually been thoughtful and prayerful about the things I would like to do this year.
Here are my 2 BIG GOALS FOR 2011:
1.) JOIN A CHURCH: – This pregnant lady has been craving Jesus more than Taco Bell or Spaghetti O’s. I am hungry for community and I want to get established in a group of believers to nurture my heart and raise my little lady bug.
2.) FOCUS on HEALTH: - Since finding out I was pregnant I have quit smoking. And apparently you aren’t supposed to drink wine like a fish either when you are expecting… so that isn’t happening either. Therefore, I have two huge unhealthy vices/obstacles of a healthy lifestyle already eliminated. So in 2011, my goal will be to replace 2 vices with two healthy habits. I am thinking exercise and more whole foods in my diet than packaged/preservative filled goodies. I have even thought about getting a jogging stroller and taking up running post baby. My friend Jessi has totally inspired me with her body makeover from taking up running. We shall see…. ;)
So instead of being overwhelmed by goals and resolutions I have decided to start on a personal 90 DAY CHALLENGE
If this pregnant lady can do it so can you.
Here is the plan:
*Get off the couch and get moving. Walking at least 5 days a week for at least 20-30 minutes.
* 90 Day Beth Moore Bible Study. I think this will be a great discipline for me. I have to go public and confess my quiet times have been non-existent. I am already 3 days into the study… and these are becoming sweet moments of my day.
* Low Carb Lifestyle. Now before you say to me “Lauren you are pregnant! Eat what you want and enjoy it,” please know that I have been instructed by my doctors to watch my sugar and carbohydrate intake for the remainder of my pregnancy. I have insulin resistance which means my body doesn’t process sugar like normal folks. With me, a cookie turns into a double chin with a quickness. I plan on incorporating a ton of veggies and lean protein into my diet and will try to share any fun recipes I come across along the way!
So tell me friends. What are your goals for 2011? And if you designed your own 90 Day Challenge what would your goals be?
I can already predict 2011 will bring with it a lot of CHANGE. For one thing, I am going to become a mama. (deep breath) I am going to be responsible for an itty-bitty person. A daughter. Having her coming into the world motivates me even more to strive to reach my goals and become a better me, so ultimately I can be better for her.
Instead of just typing up a list and throwing it out there for the internet world to read I have actually been thoughtful and prayerful about the things I would like to do this year.
Here are my 2 BIG GOALS FOR 2011:
1.) JOIN A CHURCH: – This pregnant lady has been craving Jesus more than Taco Bell or Spaghetti O’s. I am hungry for community and I want to get established in a group of believers to nurture my heart and raise my little lady bug.
2.) FOCUS on HEALTH: - Since finding out I was pregnant I have quit smoking. And apparently you aren’t supposed to drink wine like a fish either when you are expecting… so that isn’t happening either. Therefore, I have two huge unhealthy vices/obstacles of a healthy lifestyle already eliminated. So in 2011, my goal will be to replace 2 vices with two healthy habits. I am thinking exercise and more whole foods in my diet than packaged/preservative filled goodies. I have even thought about getting a jogging stroller and taking up running post baby. My friend Jessi has totally inspired me with her body makeover from taking up running. We shall see…. ;)
So instead of being overwhelmed by goals and resolutions I have decided to start on a personal 90 DAY CHALLENGE
If this pregnant lady can do it so can you.
Here is the plan:
*Get off the couch and get moving. Walking at least 5 days a week for at least 20-30 minutes.
* 90 Day Beth Moore Bible Study. I think this will be a great discipline for me. I have to go public and confess my quiet times have been non-existent. I am already 3 days into the study… and these are becoming sweet moments of my day.
* Low Carb Lifestyle. Now before you say to me “Lauren you are pregnant! Eat what you want and enjoy it,” please know that I have been instructed by my doctors to watch my sugar and carbohydrate intake for the remainder of my pregnancy. I have insulin resistance which means my body doesn’t process sugar like normal folks. With me, a cookie turns into a double chin with a quickness. I plan on incorporating a ton of veggies and lean protein into my diet and will try to share any fun recipes I come across along the way!
So tell me friends. What are your goals for 2011? And if you designed your own 90 Day Challenge what would your goals be?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Lady in a Fat Suit
So today as I waddled around the office.... I caught myself saying aloud,
"I swear I feel like I am wearing a fat suit...."
Five minutes later, I was wondering if it was snack time.
True Story.
"I swear I feel like I am wearing a fat suit...."
Five minutes later, I was wondering if it was snack time.
True Story.
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