There is not Sunshine Coming out of my Butt or any other areas today...

So today I am not feeling to great. I have puked 3 times before lunch. I busted out crying at work talking to my coworker. And I think I am crumbling a little bit under all the pressure and this is just week 8.

I have felt a bit consumed by what people think... what I should do to make people happy... what I should do that is best for little lima bean....what I should do to stay true to myself.... and it has me on the verge of a series of small panic attacks.

I know I didn't get pregnant the "right way" I wasn't married and I don't want to get married just because I am having a baby. I love my boyfriend. But I think it would be rushing things. My mom seems to think it is best for the lima bean, but I don't agree 100%. I wish there was a manual for getting knocked up before getting hitched.

I want to THANK from the bottom of my blue little heart all the friends, most of you readers, for your support. This has already been an emotional rollercoaster. Having your support and each of your sharing EXCITEMENT for this really makes a difference in my outlook. I cannot express into words my appreciation. Please don't stop. :)

As you can imagine, there is a large part of the population that is NOT happy for me. That is NOT supportive of me and that is treating this like a SCANDAL. And that breaks my heart. Because in NO way shape or form do I want my sweet baby girl/boy to feel as if they were not celebrated. As a mama-to-be... that thought sometimes crashes over me and just crushes my spirit.

I will try to be more perky in my next post, I promise. I just needed to vent.

3 chicken nuggets away...

So this morning as I got dressed for work I almost started crying. Not because I am scared of what kind of mother I will be, not because I am worried about my dad and how he feels about little bean, but because I feel fat. Not PHat -cool- FAt - not cute, and slowly on my way to the point of no return. How narccistic of me.

But I am OVERWHELMED with the thought that this is only the beginning of the end of my body. I mean, I am a big girl, I have always struggled with my weight, but I am so scared that I am going to be the size of a football stadium or the marshmallow man. I can see it now, "Here comes Lauren, get down!" Oh Lordy. God, please help me not grow to the size of a middle school gymnasium. Puuhhhhleassee.

My boobs already are BUSTING out of my bras. And since this is my first time with all this, I'm not sure what to do. Do I get a new bra? Do I wait? Bra's are expensive, and so is my taste. Dangit.

The thought of only being advised to gain 10 lbs. for the duration of my pregnancy is daunting. Especially because I am pretty confident I have packed on 5-8 lbs in the past 2 weeks. Pulling me off adderrall and ciggies was great for baby but terrible for my waistline... which is in part to pregnancy bloat and part in to me eating like a maniac.

I swear I can already feel my neck getting fat, I am scared I am three chicken nuggets away from having eight chins. Yall are going to see me on Jerry Springer being airlifted from my bed on April 12th to deliever this baby. They may even have to send a search team in to find my vajayjay. Grosssaahhh.

AHHHH. haha. I know I am going a little too far... but serioulsy this is the crap that is on my mind right now.

And I know its not healthy to go on a crazy diet right now... So what do I do? I have my 2nd doctor appointment next week. I am going to talk in DETAIL with my nurse and doc about an excercise/diet plan. I will not be a marshmallow man, I repeat I will NOT be the size a middle school gymnasium.

So those of your friends that live in Charlotte. If you see me about to go for 2nds or 3rds when the first helping was just plenty... smack my wrist or just look me in the eye and say, "Jerry!"

Thanks.

Hot Poots.

Yes, the title of this post is Hot Poots.

That is my newest and greatest pregnancy symptom. I have terrible gas. Terrible, as in it comes on every other minute without warning, and just sneaks out without permission. Rude.

What makes it even worse is that it is hot. Gross. I know. Call me "hot pants."

Last night, Rob I were on the couch and when he got up to get something out of the kitchen one of those rude little guys jumped out. I was so embarrassed I didnt know what to do. My eyes got big and I panicked. So I told him. I didn't want him to come back and sit down on the couch and ask me if I had turned the heat on. What is a girl to do?

He laughed. And told me he loved me even though I had hot poots. Isn't he sweet? And I do believe this is a milestone. Our love for one another must have reached a new level.... We deserve a trophy or something. Or maybe just a bronzed air freshner?

Seven.

Today marks the beginning of my 7th week. My little boo bop is about the size of a lima bean. He/she is developing or will have developed most organs by the end of this week, including its sweet little heart. So neat! Isn't that crazy???? I am still radiating joy over all this. I find myself smiling for no reason at all.

Please note it's not all rosey... there is still the matter of telling my mother tonight the exciting news. Please be praying that she takes the news well and is as happy for me. :)

Also symptoms.... I am still T-I-R-E-D all the time. Like I feel like a lazy bum because if you asked me at any given time what I would like to be doing my answer will be eating or napping.
haha. I feel so attractive. Also my boobs are already bigger and they hurt like a mo-fo... but I can take it in stride thinking about my little lima bean. It all for little sweet pea... so mama will endure. :)

So Typical...

So if you love me, you know how much I love beauty products. LOVEEE them.

I have already done my research on what is safe and healthy for mom and baby. I am already a little worried about having a pizza face since I was pulled off my anti-acne antibiotics and cannot use anything with salicylic acid, beta-hydroxy acids or retnoids (which are typically in anti-wrinkle creams.) I have also been warned that my skin is going to be EXTRMELY dry...

So I guess I will be going ALL Natural, which typically means EXPENSIVE. yuck. But a girl can dream.

Here are the things I have found HIGHLY recommended for Mama's To Be who want to put their best face forward:

Mama Mio Tummy Rub:

This line has the most adorable stuff including little gift sets that make me want jump for joy!!!

Mario Badescu Drying Cream and Facial Products:

Clarins Huile Tonic Body Treatment Oil:

Mama Bee Leg & Foot Cream:

Muestela Strech Mark Cream:

How I am Feeling

At 6 Weeks....

I am definitely nausesous. But typically it is at lunchtime. I have found that snacking helps.

I am soooo SLEEPY. Today I totally dozed off at my desk.

Cravings: I would eat ice cream anytime for every meal. I am actually slurping up a Chick-fil-A Ice Dream Right now. Also, Guacamole. Deliciousness.
--- please note my Doctor told me since I fall in the "big girl" category I can only gain 15 lbs. during my pregnancy. Most people are told 25-30lbs. Thats crap.

Aversions: The only thing that makes me gag as of right now is Badin's poop and the smell of cigarette smoke. Which is ironic since I have been a non smoker for less than a week.

Dad-to-Be.

I want to document how sweet Rob has been this week and how much I love and appreciate him.

He has emailed me almost daily neat pregnancy articles, including "Top 10 Reasons it's Great to be Pregnant." as well as already read 1/2 of What to Expect When you Are Expecting.
It is adorable. And I just know he is going to be a great dad. His heart is so sweet and I pray that our baby has a heart like his.

Last night I had my first hormonal breakdown. Like as in I cried for like 2 hours straight. The catalyst being a locksmith who cussed me out and wouldn't let me into my house. Crazy story. Well, my sweet man, took me in his arms and fed me dinner and spoke softly to me inspite of all my craziness and tears. Did I mention how much I love this man?

Today he packed me a little lunch box full of snacks. This morning before I left for work he sliced up some fresh carrots, celery and cucumbers, and some wheat thins so I had something to snack on through out the day so I won't get nauseous. He even through in a gingerale. Today when I went to have a little snack there was a little note tucked in my lunch box that said "I Love You." I swear, I am blessed to have this sweet man in my life.

6 weeks.

This week, as in Tuesday August 17th 2010, I found out I was aproximately 6 weeks pregnant.

This comes as a "sweet surprise" to me and my boyfriend. We have welcomed with opened arms this sweet surprise and are overjoyed at the thought of our little "sweet pea" that's growing inside me. We both realize that we may not be taking the traditional route of starting a family, but our love story hasn't been traditional itself. We consider our baby a miracle and feel blessed to know that we can tell our child one day just how much his/her mom and dad loved them when they were created.

I decided to start this blog to share with my closest friends and the folks who know about the early stages of my pregnancy the funny, sad, hard, hillarious stuff that I am walking through on this journey.