So today I am not feeling to great. I have puked 3 times before lunch. I busted out crying at work talking to my coworker. And I think I am crumbling a little bit under all the pressure and this is just week 8.
I have felt a bit consumed by what people think... what I should do to make people happy... what I should do that is best for little lima bean....what I should do to stay true to myself.... and it has me on the verge of a series of small panic attacks.
I know I didn't get pregnant the "right way" I wasn't married and I don't want to get married just because I am having a baby. I love my boyfriend. But I think it would be rushing things. My mom seems to think it is best for the lima bean, but I don't agree 100%. I wish there was a manual for getting knocked up before getting hitched.
I want to THANK from the bottom of my blue little heart all the friends, most of you readers, for your support. This has already been an emotional rollercoaster. Having your support and each of your sharing EXCITEMENT for this really makes a difference in my outlook. I cannot express into words my appreciation. Please don't stop. :)
As you can imagine, there is a large part of the population that is NOT happy for me. That is NOT supportive of me and that is treating this like a SCANDAL. And that breaks my heart. Because in NO way shape or form do I want my sweet baby girl/boy to feel as if they were not celebrated. As a mama-to-be... that thought sometimes crashes over me and just crushes my spirit.
I will try to be more perky in my next post, I promise. I just needed to vent.
Hope things went well at the appointment yesterday. Can't wait till we get to see pictures!
ReplyDeleteAnd I also wanted to say one thing about getting pregnant "the right way." I realize that in the world of the upper middle class it is the norm to have babies after you are married, however, it is becoming more the norm to have several marriages and divorces, which I don't think there is anything wrong with, but I also don't think it is much different in terms of the "right" thing because in both scenarios the parents have children together but are not married. I hate that people say "At least you will be married for the baby and you can always get divorced if it doesn't work." I don't see how having divorced parents is any more desirable than having ones that are not married but love each other. You should always feel good about taking the course of action that is the perfect one for you. Take it from someone who is "living in sin". Haha. Love you!
ReplyDeletegreat great comments Meg. I could not agree more. La, do NOT worry about pleasing other people. I, for one, cannot wait to have a wee babe in the group :)
ReplyDeleteI wish we would have listened to our minds and not rushed things Lauren, I think we both knew that wasnt the right thing to do. I am confident that in time we can redevelop our relationship and be happy. All that matters is what you and I think and that we do whats best for our child, stay strong Lauren
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